Jokes

A guy picks up a female partner at the golf club. She cleans him out, and as compensation takes him home and gives him the mother and father of all blowjobs. He's so pleased that he asks for a return match and the same thing happens several times.

Next time he suggests the full thing between the legs, but she admits that she's actually a man in the process of a sex change. When he goes wild, the transsexual asks why he's so angry when he clearly enjoyed the blowjobs.
The man replies: "Never mind the blowjobs. You've been playing off the ladies' tees!"

Two Irishmen in Kabul

"Paddy....is that Bin Laden?"

"Na Shamus, but I do tink it's almost full"

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store.

"What's that?" he asks.

"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.

"What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask."

The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," says David.

"And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane.

"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice," replies David.