Take a break

HOW TO WASH THE CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids
up.

3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
(You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will
self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from
your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

CAUTION:
Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be
reaching out for anything they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "Power "Wash" and
"Rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no
people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he
will dry himself.

Sincerely,

THE DOG

A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute." returned the old man, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity??" persisted Satan.

"Yep." was the calm reply.!

"And you're still not afraid??" asked Satan.

"Nope."

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."